What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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