the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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