My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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