Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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