The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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