No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
