I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
