I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize