I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
