So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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