I'm going to rape someone's good day.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize