Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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