he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
