someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
