he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drake has all the answers
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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