are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
