I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
