Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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