Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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