Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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