She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
