Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
