drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
