you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
