She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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