you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
