Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
