watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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