Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
