Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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