they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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