Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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