There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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