yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
