i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
