I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
