Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize