I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
