i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
