the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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