You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
