I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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