I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
