I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
