real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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