3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
