I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
