when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
