You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
