1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
