Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
