More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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