Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
