My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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