I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
