i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
