it's too hot outside to masturbate.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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