You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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