My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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