Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
4 words: hood of his car
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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