Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
