Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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