He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
