His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
