i think my tv is drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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