Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
