Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
even my farts smell like vagina
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
