this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Congratulations! We have a period
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
