Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
