she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
