She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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