It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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