One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
