She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
