Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
