He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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