I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
