last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
