dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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