there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
