I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you didnt know i had herpes?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
