So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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