This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
