I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
