So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Damn victory sex feels great
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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