I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize