dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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