If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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