your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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