It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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