I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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