I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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