The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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