1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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