Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
