I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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