Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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