I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
