I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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