It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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