I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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