That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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