Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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